Letting Go

I come into work, sit down at my desk. Wait approximately ten years as my computer boots up, start my second cup of coffee. I check the local news, browse Mashable for anything interesting. I scroll through some emails, answering anything if it seems pressing. I open up tabs for Facebook and Twitter; tabs that will be the last thing I close before I head home at 5 p.m. Check the recent feed. Then without a second thought I type your name into the search bar. We rarely speak anymore, but I still like to see what you’re up to. I’m the silent observer in the situation.

Most of the time, I don’t even think twice about it, it’s become so second nature. Eventually, it reaches a point where all the lines just blend together. What do I think I’m going to see? It’s not that I’m even looking for anything in particular, I just like knowing that things are going well for you.

This has been the routine for longer than I care to admit. Another mindless task that I add to my day, often not even realizing the path that I’m on until I reach my destination.

But suddenly, it stops. I let go. It’s gone just as fast as it started, and why, I’m not sure. Maybe it was what I heard about you from a friend, or finally realizing that your thoughts are probably going in every direction but mine. It’s that moment when I realize that I’ve moved on, that I can accept that things aren’t going back to the way they used to be that I finally feel myself letting go.

And it’s a wonderful feeling.

Every now and then, you cross my mind. I hear a song that has some sort of memory linked to it, I come across an old photo, I end up at some bar we once sat at. Some of it comes back to me, but now I just look back and smile. I’ve let go of the things that used to hold me down.

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